Clipart Can Be Scary

Often in my capacity as gym manager I wind up creating fliers, posters and other junk.  Most of the time I throw in some dopey clip art courtesy of Google, like this:

The criteria I use to choose artwork is will it do and how long have I been working on this?  If I've been searching for more than 5 minutes, I generally pick the least offensive/most applicable piece of art, or scrap the idea of art altogether.

Sometimes my clip art searches unearth some real gems, though, like the thing that came when I searched "break clipart" to ornament a back in 15 minutes sign. 

This is mostly funny because it's titled "A Colorful Cartoon Gym Teacher and Gymnasts Taking a Break."  Since that's exactly how my staff and I look, I printed it out on a staff meeting memo.

Anyhow, long story short it was during a recent clip art search that I came up with something awful that made me wish Craftastrophe was still up and running so I could post it.

But then my boyfriend said why don't you just post it on your own blog? and I thought, hey, yeah, why not?

So here's the first (definitely not the last) of a new set of craftastrophes, courtesy of the Brisk Blog.  I give you
GOLLUM BRIDGE SPOOKY BRIDE MUSICAL DOLL BRIDE OF GOLLUM!

Looking at this thing makes me want to narrate it ala Randall of Nasty Ass Honey Badger fame.

Oh my God, what is that?  Is that Gollum as a tranny?  Oh my God, that's disgusting.

Is that wire hair?  Why does it have wire hair?  Jesus Christ.

Apparently this $50 mess of awful has been mounted to an old musical toy so that you can (why would anyone want to do this?!) wind it up and watch tranny-Gollum spin around to a Brahms lullaby. 

This falls firmly under the category of Things I Will Never Make For You.

{buy awful tranny-Gollum}